A Poem about Withdrawing from Antidepressants

Rx  for Withdrawal
my brain is buzzing, twitching,
it’s chirping , zapping itching…
my ears are screeching, loudly singing
my rage is bent
it’s loud, it’s looking
it’s searching, seeking
it wants new life, through confrontation
it wants a host, no invitation,
it doesn’t need one to feed on
it just grabs the unlucky, awash in plucky,
it needs no courage
no bravado,
it claims its victims like a tornado.
the aftermath is clearly
the only evidence of what hit.
It’s not the same in this brain, anymore.
Every neurotransmission, I abhor.
I can’t take the buzzing, the fuzzing,
the looks of others.
Aren’t they my brothers?
No, clearly we are not in sync
they have other think.
I am full of thoughts and feels and guilts,
They loom large, they teeter on stilts.
Feelings rough, un-edged, really ugly…
Feelings pent up for years, four years
that the Rx was dispensed
human progress halted
for pharmaceutical convenience.
So if you think what’s best
is within a little pill
think a few more times before
you ride the thrill
of a false world
without daily dosages of strife,
before you overdose on
the luxury of avoiding life.
I thirst for freedom
from this inauthentic state
I was never full of rage or hate
I was sensitive, and sort of mean, without meaning to be
but my brain never buzzed, or fogged or fuzzed
as it does right now
trying to come clean
A month of confrontations, paranoia,
angst and rage in my wake.
Do you think I will ever willing take
another prescription?
No matter how well meaning
or eruditely prescribed?
I am not sure how I survived.
but the answer is hell, no!
After six weeks the phantom 225 mg
still gives me grief.
I stepped down gently
only to find,
a horrible state of mind.
The worst part by far is the person I have become
I was never as bad before the antidepressant rum
Its a trick, it’s a lark, it’s I am sure
what some need.
For me it was only a monument
to impede
my progress in this life.
Yes it took away
the daily strife
and made me feel
But a false sense of security
ringing in my ears
and let’s not forget
all this darned lucid poetry!
I was prescribed an antidepressant after giving birth to my second child.  I came down with Chronic Fatigue/Fibromyalgia pain syndrome and so my midwife prescribed an antidepressant to help control the joint and muscle pain and severe fatigue, which it did, and give me some pep in my step which it did.  It then stopped working after 4 years or so I was put on a different medication.  Then one day I wondered why I was still on it, the side effects were sometimes worse than the actual issues.  So one day I decided to stop taking it.  But I am no dummy.  I researched it on the internet and tapered off the drug over 10 weeks.  I thought that was a huge amount of time to taper off an antidepressant.  I was either wrong, or I was right, but the experience was totally and completely BRUTAL!
I have been clean for 21 months now but it has taken me that long to feel normal.  I believe the drugs changed my brain and caused me to feel more anger and more moodiness than I felt before I ever took these drugs.  Anyway here is some crazy poetry I wrote while coming off these horrible substances, which are right for some, but nevertheless have anyone who takes them seriously addicted.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s